The Breastfeeding Bridesmaid
I’m excited to be writing this week’s post, because it means it’s wedding week for our family! My brother will be marrying his bride over Labor Day weekend and we are all very excited to welcome her into our family. I will be a breastfeeding bridesmaid, again, this weekend supporting my soon-to-be sister-in-law. Although, breastfeeding an almost 1 yo, who can snarf a plate of bacon and berries is a bit different compared to my breastfeeding bridesmaid experience a year ago. This breastfeeding experience was when Kai was only a 4-week old..
About a year and a half ago, my best friend called me with exciting news sharing that her and her fiancé had “set the date”. As she shared this with me, I was so excited for her! She then shared the date…and I felt like I was hit with a ton of bricks. She knew something was wrong as I went silent. I kind of laughed and said “well, I’m due 3 weeks before then." She laughed and felt horrible, quickly trying to think about how she could adjust. To which I refused and assured her that we would figure it out! So, we did. However, I do have some advice for you if you, too, are going to be a breastfeeding bridesmaid.
Establish Expectations with the Bride
Often times, brides have not been mothers yet. Friends who are not mothers can be extremely sympathetic, but getting down to technicality…they cannot be empathetic. They do not know how often babies need to eat, the healing process of mothers, or how easily overstimulated newborns can be. With that said, establish your boundaries. Try to reflect on the situation: Will you physically be able to stand the entire ceremony? Will you need to take a nap before the festivities? Do you want to bring your baby with you to get ready or will you choose to pump? Will you feel comfortable nursing or pumping in public or would you like a private area? Think these things through for what you will need on the big day to be comfortable.
For example, my concerns included the following:
If I would be too sore post-caesarean to stand for the entire ceremony.
I would probably not physically be a lot of help to setup for the wedding as I would still be recovering.
I wanted to have my baby with me throughout the entire day.
I figured I would need a slight nap sometime during the day.
I knew I would not be able to stay late into the evening to party.
The most important part to establishing boundaries is to actually communicate them though! Make sure you take some time to discuss this with the bride BEFORE the day of. Do not bombard her with your wants and wishes on the day of HER wedding.
This can look like, “I am so, so excited to be part of this big day for you! However, I am also just concerned about the timing with me…having a baby now. Can we discuss what the day will look like, because there are some things I will need. . .”
When I had this conversation with my best friend, she was so great, as all best friends should be! Thankfully, I was able to stand for the ceremony, my kiddo nursed throughout the entire day, he took naps in the hotel room with my husband, and we did leave the party very early.
But What Will You Wear?
Thankfully, in today’s wedding world, most brides are choosing a color scheme and having her bridesmaids choose a dress they feel the most comfortable in. For this particular wedding, she wanted us in black, which allowed for a lot of options.
We actually have a lot of options these days in terms of breastfeeding friendly attire. Of course, Amazon is a great first stop. Simply searching “nursing friendly bridesmaid dresses” will present you with many styles, colors, at fairly cheap prices. I recommend that dresses that are specifically designed for nursing for nursing moms. Dresses that are low cut and can easily be pulled out of the way, I have found are better for pumping.
If you want to go the “breastfeeding designed” clothing route, Nursing Queen is starting to release some more formal dresses. I typically recommend Nursing Queen’s shirts for pumping mothers, however, I personally do not enjoy the dresses that have vertical zippers for pumping. They tend to be too tight, too small, and just annoying for me to pump in. If you are a nursing mother though, their dresses are beautiful!
Below I am wearing an orange Nursing Queen dress, a black velvet dress, and a red bodycon dress. All of these could be suitable as a rehearsal dinner or bridesmaid dress depending on the type of ceremony.
But There is a Lot Going On
I want to break this up into two different scenarios, which can be issues when we are having a busy day: one for the nursing mom and one for the pumping mom.
The Nursing Mama: Depending upon the age of your baby, a lot going on can become a recipe for a terrible nursing session. To their credit, if you had never been to a wedding before, you too, would be excited. Your baby is thinking, “There is music playing, lights everywhere, and all these people smiling at me. Mom will just sit here and let me snack for an hour.” Meanwhile, you are thinking…”I have so much I need to do!” If you find yourself in a nursing session that is far from efficient consider the following:
Leave the environment! Depending upon the venue, they might have a nursing area. If not, take yourself outside and find a quiet bench…believe me, often when you whip it out, everyone suddenly scatters anyways. ;)
For whatever reason, maybe those are not options, So utilizing a cover is when this is helpful. However, if your baby is not used to using a cover this will be foreign and potentially another object of distraction. Often, babies struggle because they are used to seeing our faces when they are nursing. So as silly as it feels, put the cover over your head and them. This includes you in their space, but removes all the other distractions from them.
The Pumping Mama: When we are nursing often we are forced to sit down, because a crying baby can stop us from doing whatever we are doing pretty quickly. When we are pumping, we do not have a clock screaming at us. So I do have some recommendations for ensuring we get our pumps in:
Plan, plan and plan! I highly recommend asking the bride for her agenda before the day begins. If you really want to communicate, let her know the times you plan to pump. When making your schedule for the day, consider these times:
When you are getting your hair/makeup done. You will be sitting there doing nothing anyways.
When the bride and groom are doing first look/pictures.
Between the ceremony and reception, often times the bride needs to have her dress bustled or you have to travel to the reception. These are great times when usually a bridesmaid does not have many responsibilities.
Have all your stuff easily accessible and with you at all times. A set of flanges, your cereschill, and a charged mobile pump should be packed in a small bag and just keep them with you. This way, if you find you will have even 10-15 minutes, choose that as a time to pump.
Lastly, do not stress. Drink fluids and eat food. If you miss a pump, your supply is not over forever.
Consider a power pump at the end of the day to get a good milk removal, if you feel you did not efficiently remove milk throughout the day.
*Power Pump = Pump 20 minutes, Rest for 10 minutes, Pump for 10 minutes, Rest for 10 minutes, Pump for 10 minutes
Don’t Forget to Party
I know saying, “enjoy yourself” is a little overstated and easier said than done. However, most likely this is someone who is either your “bestest” friend or a family member who you care for dearly. Try to enjoy the moment with them. This is their day when they are choosing to commit their life to someone else and wanted you to be a front row witness. Celebrate that momentous occasion with them.
I hope that your feeding journey brings you so much joy and empowerment that you can enjoy being a breastfeeding bridesmaid with your favorite people, rather than concerned about your next milk removal.
With love,
Antoinette C., CLC