Working Moms: Top 3 Boundaries
My husband and I began discussing to begin our family fairly young. We married directly out of college, so by the time I was only two years into my career - it seemed like the right time to begin our family. Well, it seemed like the right time within our marriage, as for my career, it seemed like terrible timing. All things considered, it kind of was. However, I refuse to reflect on that too much.
I do want to share the boundaries that I learned along the way as I had kids and continued to grow my career.
Leave Your Computer at Work: Before I had kids, it was very normal for me to pack my computer up, go home have dinner, and then as my husband settled onto the couch to rest - I brought my computer along with me. I did not enjoy this, my husband did not love it, but it just seemed like the way to “get ahead”. At the time though, my need to establish strong boundaries between my work and life was just not that strong. It was not that critical.
As I was pregnant with my first child my dad gave me something to think on and he shared his thoughts about the transition we go through when we become parents. He explained, “When you are married, but without children the two most important things in your life is your spouse and your career. Those are your #1 & #2 in life and sometimes they switch between #1 & #2. However, you then have a baby and that baby is so strongly a #1. Your career and marriage are still very important, because you need them to care for your new #1 - but they can seem so drastically unimportant.” So establishing boundaries to protect your baby, your career, and your marriage become so important.
For me I had to make some very hard, visual boundaries. I really began to be able to create a separation between home and work, when I truly started leaving my work at work. Sitting on your computer on the couch while your toddler turns your computer on and off, quickly proves its not worth it to work at home anyways. Or rather, your husband misses you and wants you cuddled up on the couch with him, but rather you choose to sit down staring at your computer pretending like you are engaged with him is not the key to a successful relationship.
So truly create that separation between work and home. When you are home, you are home. When you are at work, work. So tomorrow, leave your computer at work, it really will be fine!Be There for the Bookends: I actually do not get to take credit for this one. This one came from an old mentor of mine, which she gave me a lot of good advice - but this still is at the top of the list. This mentor had come up the ranks in the same way I had, at one time she had had the same position as I did. I would even go on and have 3 boys, just like she did. She did not just become my career mentor, but she became my mentor in motherhood too.
So it was only natural that as I became pregnant with my first, I called her and asked to give me all the information. From “how to pump at work” to “how to not go crazy”, she had some good tactical, realistic suggestions.
As I asked her, “what were some of her boundaries she created to maintain a good mom/work balance” and her answer still sticks with me today. She said she always made sure that she was there for the bookends of the day. She always wanted to be there when her kids woke up, give them hugs and kisses before they went their separate ways. She, also, did her very best to be there at the end of the day have dinner, do bedtime, and simply be present to hear any of the woes of their day. I still remember her telling me this and before having a child I figured “that’s an easy one”.
What I learned is it was not as easy to adhere to as I once thought it would be, but it was the most important one to adhere to. I learned when I did not stick to my rule - something bad happened. It seemed like every dang time something bad happened. Whether it was a project that did not go well, stuck in unruly traffic, or being called by daycare that my son was sick, the world always made it clear that I just needed to slow the hell down. That a 8-10 hour day is enough. That I needed to just be the hell at home.
So no, you really can skip drinks tonight and you really do not have to clear your email box before 7:00 am. The impact you will have being there when your kids expect you to be is much greater than what you will achieve with an extra hour for work.Move Your Body: I am not someone who works out, because she just loves it or because I am looking for some banger body. I workout, because I have learned that I need it. I am a better mother, better worker, and simply a happier person when I move my body. Some days that might be squatting with a barbell on my back, other days thats some pushups, and some days it’s simply a walk around the block with my kids. Our bodies were meant to be in motion.
But the reason it is a top 3 must for me is whenever I look at points in my career when I am the most successful it is when I am taking care of myself first. It is when I am prioritizing myself throughout my crazy schedule.Moving your body is not a vanity thing, but it is a health thing. In order to be a successful career woman and a present mother, your mind & body have to be healthy. Moving your body is a great step to caring for yourself & gaining the confidence you need.
Are you struggling to maintain boundaries as you go through motherhood & your career? I would be honored to support you! Email me today to discuss more!
With much love,
Antoinette Cornelius, CLC